contributed to their behavior. This is the practice of wisdom; adopting a broad perspective on the
situation. When we face aggression or disrespect, it is worth considering why the aggressive or
disrespectful people are acting that way. Very likely their behavior reflects difficulties they
themselves are experiencing. This could also reflect difficulties from their past. For example, they
may be harboring dysfunctional family-of-origin issues. Often, dysfunctional strategies adopted
during childhood, when trying to cope with unhealthy family dynamics, stay with us like a rotten
apple at the bottom of the barrel. This rotten apple spoils all the healthy apples nearby. These
dysfunctional strategies often go unnoticed throughout our lives, although they often create
turbulence beneath the surface. This can manifest as irritability, depression, sadness, anger or
other negative moods. These influence our relationships throughout life. Similar emotional
response patterns based on childhood dysfunctional strategies seem to surface again and again.
Recognizing these can modulate our instinct for revenge. That other person is not actually my
older brother who bullied me when I was young, even though it feels similar. Furthermore,
understanding similar negative family influences and difficulties in the perpetrator makes it easier
for us to understand the person that harmed us. Through understanding, we are more able to
forbear and forgive.
The function of the unique Buddhist wisdom is to lead us beyond our illusions of reality. Buddhist
wisdom shows us the way to break our chronic habits of distorting and misperceiving reality. Due
to strong self-grasping and strong self-cherishing, we cling to a distorted view of reality. So the ego
becomes narcissistic. It feels like it is the center of the world. Actually we are a 'blip' withhin infinite
universes embedded in infinite time! Self-grasping means identifying and clinging to a distorted
perception, thinking it is real. This is especially true of our ego. We grasp it so tightly that we
identify with this distorted perception of our ego as if it were our sel
Wisdom breaks through the
world of illusion. Understanding brings freedom. Uniting wisdom with compassion broadens our
compassion. It deepens our ability to help others find happiness. This key of wisdom unlocks the
door to happiness. Self-cherishing is self-centered and selfish. It is narcissistic, thinking we are the
center of the world and that the whole world revolves around “me, me, me.” We all fall into this
narrow mindset much of the time. We get trapped in this ingrained habit. Certainly I do. It takes
work to free our self from this strong preconception. Sometimes we are thinking about the welfare
of others. But usually we are taking care of number one. We spend an inordinate amount of time
thinking about our own needs. We get trapped in this narrow-minded attitude. Trying to find more
happiness actually leads to more dissatisfaction.
The opposite of self-cherishing does not mean neglecting ourselves. Rather, it means adopting a
wider perspective, recognizing the needs of others, thereby ensuring our own happiness. By
focusing on the hopes and needs of others, an attitudinal paradigm shift takes place. We begin
deeply taking care of ourselves. By helping others and being concerned about others, we also reap
the benefit. We feel more relaxed, open and peaceful. A sense of meaning fills our life. We feel
happy and more content. The recipient of our compassion also feels good.
Letting go of self-grasping is profound. Letting go of distorted perceptions brings a freedom that is
delicious
All our perceptions, thoughts and feelings are merely fabrications projected by our
mind. Letting go of self-grasping brings us in line with how things actually are. This reality is much
softer and gentler. It feels intricately interwoven. The world becomes systems of relationships.
Everything feels balanced and joyous. It is the reality of interdependence. Emptiness means
interdependence. Both reject the notion of a reality that is unchanging and independent. Both
accept a reality that views everything as existing solely in relationship, only in dependence on other
things. This understanding is shared by modern quantum physics. Both quantum physics and
Buddhist science understand reality to be interdependent. There is nothing more than that. There
are no solid entities. There are only relationships. Everything in the universe, subatomic world and
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