2. Cultivating Self-Compassion
The CBCT program rests on the view that all people share the same desire for happiness. Though
it is at times easy to assume that our happiness depends on external circumstances, deeper
reflection reveals that it is the way in which we relate to the world that contributes most directly to
our happiness and suffering (see
.
The term “self-compassion” commonly denotes being kind and accepting towards oneself. Though
this sense is included in our presentation, self-compassion involves three key steps: (1)
recognizing the causes of one’s suffering; (2) understanding that one has the capacity to overcome
this suffering; and (3) gaining confidence and making the commitment to transform one’s suffering.
By presenting this seemingly abstract concept in ways that were accessible for children, we found
that the children we worked with had a remarkable ability to describe the suffering in their lives and
the ways in which it affects their well-being. One afternoon, I read the poem, “Whatif”, by Shel
Silverstein, which describes a bunch of worries -- like flunking tests, getting sick and not being
liked -- that keep children up at night.
CBCT teachers Brendan and Brooke in the classroom
After I finished reading it, I looked up and asked if anyone in the class had ever experienced
“Whatif mind”? Every hand in the room went up. Several students detailed the ways in which they
obsessively worry or stress about tests, ballet performances, their parents’ relationships and so on.
They described how this stress felt in their bodies in detail as well, and noted that they often tried
ways of calming themselves down, either by distracting themselves or thinking positively. We used
this as an occasion to talk about recognizing our stress triggers, and likened this insight of noticing
early signs of stress to noticing “sparks” of anger or stress. By catching these triggers or “sparks”
early on, we can manage them before they become full-blown forest fires. In another session, one
young boy approached us after class and said, “I have a lot of forest fires in my life.”
Gaining deeper insight into the causes of one’s suffering takes time. For adolescent survivors of
trauma, gaining confidence that suffering can be overcome can be difficult to comprehend. Though
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