them do so?
The question then becomes: How does one generate a secure base? Security and confidence
come from correctly identifying the underlying causes of one’s suffering and then generating a
powerful determination to emerge from them. Also important here is recognizing our misplaced
desires – misplaced because they are desires for things that cannot bring us long-term happiness,
and in fact often bring us the opposite, namely suffering – and developing a sense of
disenchantment and disillusionment with them. This is akin to the situation of an alcoholic who
must realize that alcohol is not a source of happiness, but rather a cause of suffering. It is natural
for us to chase after the things that we think will bring happiness, and flee those things that we find
unpleasant. After analysis, however, we may find that those things we were blindly chasing were in
fact causes of suffering, while we rejected things that could bring us lasting happiness. Identifying
such mistakes is the first step, but the second step is to resolve to change our habits and
perceptions, so that we put ourselves on a path that leads away from suffering and towards
happiness. When we realize that the causes of suffering can be transformed, and that we
ourselves are in a position to transform them, and when we resolve to do so, we cultivate self-
compassion (see
in this volume). It is called self-compassion because it is the genuine way
for us to care for ourselves and relieve ourselves of unnecessary suffering.
Gaining Insight into Our Mental Life and Cultivating Mindfulness
The point here is neither to deny one’s cravings, nor to indulge in them, but rather to observe them
and relate to them in a more healthy manner, gradually gaining a greater degree of mastery over
them. This can only happen through the cultivation of a greater state of awareness of our own
mental experience. Giving in to craving or aversion only reinforces such patterns, but suppressing
them will not work either. The third possibility, between indulgence and asceticism, is
transformation. This comes from gaining insights into the emotional patterns that drive our cravings
and aversions. That transformation is possible when one can relate to one’s experiences in a non-
reactive, neutral manner without craving or aversion. From that non-reactive place, one can then
use the gap between stimulus and response to decide how to respond to the given emotion. If it is
a constructive emotion, one can support it; if it is destructive, one can take measures to limit it.
When an actual situation arises, it is hard to catch ourselves and move from a reactive place to a
non-reactive place, where we can respond thoughtfully and rationally, instead of reacting
instinctively or out of established but unhealthy habit patterns. Fortunately, we can practice this in
meditation, and cultivate insight into our mental experience through the practice of resting the mind
in its natural state. Natural state here means an uncontrived state of mind that is not chasing after
something that we crave, nor pushing away something that we dislike, but merely observing
whatever arises in experience in a non-judgmental way. Gradually we learn to relate to
experiences without getting immediately caught up in them, and this transforms the way we
experience craving and aversion. That, in turn, allows us to practice self-compassion, because we
now have the tools to gradually wean ourselves away from emotions and thought patterns that lead
to suffering, by not giving in to them, and instead strengthen constructive emotions and thought
patterns that lead to greater well-being and happiness for ourselves and others.
This practice of observing our inner mental life, whether on the meditation cushion or out in active
life, can only take place if we have developed some degree of attentional stability. Generally we
are not trained to attend to the moment-by-moment experiences that take place in our minds. We
may not notice emotions arising until they become quite strong, or if we do notice them, we may
become too caught up with them or distracted by something else before we can address them.
Therefore, the cultivation of mindfulness is an essential foundation for learning to rest the mind in
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