over two weeks, with cultivating compassion for oneself as one subsection and cultivating loving-
kindness for oneself as the other. Step 3a focuses on qualities such as greater self-acceptance,
tenderness, non-judgment, and caring in self-to-self relations, while Step 3b focuses on qualities
such as warmth, appreciation, joy and gratitude. Participants in the course describe the loving-
kindness and self-compassion as pivotal components of the course that impact their daily lives and
relationships in significant ways.
STEP 4,
Establishing the Basis for Compassion towards Others,
involves two key elements
essential for generating genuine compassion toward others: 1) embracing shared common
humanity and 2) developing appreciation of others. The first is deep recognition of the basic
sameness of self and others with respect to the fundamental aspiration to attain happiness and
overcome suffering. This is the essential ingredient for empathy, the ability to
identify
with others –
in other words, to put oneself in others’ shoes. This is done progressively, beginning with a loved
one, then moving to a neutral person and from there to a difficult person, and culminating by
extending this recognition of sameness to all beings. The second element is appreciation of the
deep interconnectedness of self and others, especially acknowledging how one depends on
countless others both for basic survival and for well-being. On this basis, a sense of
gratitude
towards others is developed. Common humanity, or this notion that others are “just like me”,
repeatedly is cited as a skill that course participants find tremendously impactful, especially in the
context of challenging interpersonal situations. This step trains participants in the skill of
“perspective taking”, which allows them to find satisfaction in the process of working across
difference.
STEP 5,
Cultivating Compassion towards Others,
builds on the two bases of Step 4 to cultivate
compassion for
all
beings. Here, too, one learns by moving from focusing on a loved one to
focusing on a neutral person, then on a difficult person, and finally on all beings. In essence, what
this step does is expand the circle of one’s concern to embrace all humanity, simply through the
deep recognition that, just like me, all others wish to achieve happiness and overcome suffering
and that they too are deserving of achieving happiness and freedom from suffering.
STEP 6,
Active Compassion Practice
, involves explicit evocation of the altruistic wish to
do
something
about others’ suffering. In formal sitting practice, this essentially takes the form of a
visualization practice that, as a first step, imagines “taking away” from others both their suffering
and the destructive patterns of thought and behavior that underlie their suffering. The second step
in this meditation involves imagining “giving” or offering to others everything that is beneficial in
oneself, including one’s material prosperity, happiness, joy, and patterns of thought and behavior
that bring about happiness and a deeper sense of well-being. In the Tibetan source, this particular
form of compassion practice is known as
tonglen
, literally, “giving and receiving”. The meditation
for the final week is an integrated practice that combines the essential elements of all six steps into
a compassion meditation practice that can continue to be done daily by participants who choose to
adopt it.
Example Exercise
The “Eyes on” Exercise
This is a pair exercise, so the class is divided into twos. There are several ways this exercise can
be performed, all of them involving the exercise partners looking into each other’s eyes and
listening to a guided visualization. One version of the exercise could be the following:
•
In this practice, we will start by having you turn your chair to face your partner directly. Bring
your chairs close enough that each of you can see your partner’s face clearly.
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