context is not properly understanding the causes of compassion. Pity is present when we feel sorry
for somebody’s unfortunate situation – and go on minding our own business. This is why pity is not
compassion, because it does not lead to actively alleviating suffering. Pity also deludes our clarity,
and correspondingly, our so-called helpful and compassionate act might even increase misery.
While pity and sorrow are human emotions and, combined with empathy, can be a cause of
compassion, sorrow can also act as a trigger for anger and rage.
The far enemies of “sympathetic joy” are cynicism and despair combined. If you are cynical, or in
despair, you don’t really experience joy; again, it is impossible to feel both opposites at the same
time. Although the Tibetan tradition speaks of “sympathetic joy”, it more often talks about rejoicing
in virtues. Virtues are defined as the causes of happiness, and when rejoicing in virtues we are
taking
delight in the other person’s joy and fruition of their causes of happiness. The near enemy of
“sympathetic joy” and rejoicing is frivolity, such as the feeling that “all are happy, all is well and all
is good”. It may appear as if one experiences joy, but it is superficial and it lacks the depth of
joyfully rejoicing and resonating with the other. With the feeling of sympathetic joy, there is not
much that needs to be done – one just enjoys the delight of the others. It is the feeling we
experience when our dear ones experience a happy moment, when we are thrilled for them and
genuinely feel, “May your happiness increase and continuously grow” – like parents feel for their
children’s happiness.
Equanimity, or impartiality, too, has a set of enemies: the far enemies of equanimity are attraction
and revulsion, while the near enemies are indifference or carelessness. Both attraction and
revulsion pull us away from our mental calmness, and under the influence of both attraction and
aversion we do not feel balanced and we lose our composure. The evenness of temper is
destroyed by our mind’s demanding of “I want” and “I don’t want”. During impartiality you keep your
senses open, and it contrasts with the bias we usually feel towards one or the other form of
wanting. This is true for beings, for things and for circumstances. The near enemy to impartiality is
indifference; it closes our mental receptivity and motivates us to say, “I don’t care”. This mental
state is not equanimity, because during impartiality you still care – you care for all in a similar way.
Caring is the opposite of being indifferent (for more details about these differences, see
.
Furthermore, expectations regarding outcomes are often additional causes of disappointments. In
many situations, expectations are the biggest obstacle to personal well-being and flourishing,
since they are – if we look honestly – rarely met anyway. In being compassionate it is critically
important to recognize the reality of things, and to be compassionate with oneself and accept
where one’s own limits are. It is additionally helpful to always remember that compassion is one of
the Four Immeasurables, together with joy and equanimity; in many contexts it is particularly
beneficial to be mindful of joy. Without joy, a possibly compassionate act will be more like a
sacrifice and, in the long term, a lack of joy is exhausting and leads to fatigue.
Traditionally, when contemplating one of the Four Immeasurables, one is advised to alternate
one’s meditation. Focusing too much on compassion alone may indeed lead to gloom and
sadness; if that happens, one should shift one’s meditation, and focus on joy; if one meditates too
much on joy, and becomes restless, one should focus on equanimity; and if impartiality feels too
dull, one is advised to concentrate on loving-kindness.
To develop these abilities, the corresponding positive mental qualities, and the necessary clarity to
discriminate, one needs to train them. This is why meditation as a mental training, and intentional
formation of habit, is considered an essential resource.
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