A sense of common humanity is central to self-compassion and involves recognizing that all
humans are flawed works-in-progress; everyone fails, makes mistakes and engages in
dysfunctional behavior. Often, however, we feel isolated and cut off from others when considering
our struggles and personal shortcomings, irrationally reacting as if failure and pain were
aberrations. This isn’t a logical process, but a kind of tunnel vision in which we lose sight of the
larger human picture and focus primarily on our own seemingly feeble and worthless selves.
Similarly, when things go wrong in our external lives through no fault of our own, we often assume
that other people are having an easier time of it, that our own situation is abnormal or unfair. We
feel cut off and separate from other people who are presumably leading “normal” happy lives. With
self-compassion, however, our outlook becomes broad and inclusive, recognizing that life’s
challenges and personal failures are simply part of being human. This helps us to feel more
connected and less isolated when we are in pain.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is awareness of present moment experience in a clear and balanced manner
It
involves being “experientially open” to the reality of the present moment, allowing whatever
thoughts, emotions and sensations enter awareness without judgment, avoidance or repression
Why is mindfulness an essential component of self-compassion? First, it is necessary to recognize
you’re suffering in order to give yourself compassion. While it might seem that suffering is
blindingly obvious, many people don’t acknowledge how much pain they’re in, especially when that
pain stems from their own inner self-critic. Or when confronted with life challenges, people often
get so lost in problem-solving mode that they don’t pause to consider how much they are
struggling in the moment. Mindfulness counters the tendency to avoid painful thoughts and
emotions, allowing us to hold the truth of our experience even when unpleasant. At the same time,
being mindful means that we don’t become “overidentified”
with negative thoughts or feelings, so
that we are caught up and swept away by our aversive reaction
This type of rumination
narrows our focus and exaggerates implications for self-worth. Not only did I fail, “I AM A
FAILURE”. Not only was I disappointed, “MY LIFE IS DISAPPOINTING”. When we observe our
pain mindfully, however, we can acknowledge our suffering without exaggerating it, allowing us to
take a wiser and more objective perspective on ourselves and our lives.
Although mindfulness is required to experience self-compassion, it is important to recognize that
the two constructs are not exactly the same. First, the type of mindfulness entailed in self-
compassion is narrower in scope than mindfulness more generally. The mindfulness component of
self-compassion refers to balanced awareness of the
negative
thoughts and feelings involved in
personal suffering. Mindfulness in general refers to the ability to pay attention to any experience –
positive, negative or neutral – with acceptance and equanimity. Another distinction between
mindfulness and self-compassion lies in their respective targets
Mindfulness tends to focus on
one’s internal
experience
(sensations, emotions, thoughts) rather than oneself as the
experiencer
.
For example, in the case of lower back pain, mindful awareness might be directed at the changing
pain sensations, perhaps noting a stabbing, burning quality, whereas self-compassion would be
aimed at the person who is suffering from back pain (see also
. Self-compassion
emphasizes soothing and comforting the “self” when distressing experiences arise, remembering
that such experiences are part of being human.
Research on Self-Compassion
Self-Compassion and Well-Being
294
Common Humanity
