•
Now, please write down any ways you feel you are
not
living in accord with your core values.
For example, perhaps you are too busy to spend much quiet time in nature, even though
nature is your great love in life.
•
Now, please write down if there are
obstacles
getting in the way of you living in accord with
your core values – especially internal obstacles. For instance, are you shy, afraid to take risks,
or living your life according to someone else’s values?
•
Finally, write down how self-kindness and self-compassion may help you live in harmony with
your true values, especially by helping to overcome internal obstacles. Is there a way it could
help you feel safe and confident enough to take new actions, or let go of things that aren’t
serving you? Or if there are insurmountable external obstacles to living in accord with your
values, can you have compassion for that as well?
Following this exercise, group members are invited to state a “vow” that can remind them about
what they value most. For example, “I vow to be a friend to all living beings”. When we make a
vow, we aren’t making an unbreakable contract. It’s more like being engaged than married – a
statement of intention. A vow is like the breath in meditation to which we continuously reorient our
attention when we notice our attention has gone astray. A vow makes our daily life like a
meditation. The home practice assignment of session 5 is to repeat the vow every morning and
night, and whenever stress arises during the day, noticing any impact it may have on one’s
moment-to-moment experience.
Session 6: Managing Difficult Emotions
By session 6 in the MSC course, some participants feel the initial rush of enthusiasm for self-
compassion has begun to subside and mild disillusionment with the process starts setting in.
Therefore, we introduce the three
stages of progress
in self-compassion: 1) striving; 2)
disillusionment; and 3) true acceptance. Everyone begins self-compassion practice with the wish
to reduce emotional stress. We may have actually had a breakthrough and started feeling better,
so we naturally believe that self-compassion can replace bad feelings with good feelings. The
problem, as described earlier, is that our intention subtly shifts away from caring for ourselves
because
we feel bad and we start trying to manipulate our moment-to-moment experience. This is
the “disillusionment” phase – “It’s not working!” The disillusionment phase, which often occurs
around session 6 if not sooner, is an important part of the transformation process. We can move
into “true acceptance” when we realize that pain is unavoidable in life and a tender response is the
healthiest response to it, eventually leading to long-term happiness.
How do we manage difficult emotions? In session 6, we bring all three skills of mindfulness
meditation to bear – focused attention, open monitoring and compassion. We also remind
participants that we’re not trying to open to pain willy-nilly, but rather we slowly open to emotional
pain, in stages:
1. Curiosity
– turning towards discomfort with interest
2. Tolerance
– safely enduring
3. Allowing
– letting feelings come and go
4. Friendship
– embracing, seeing hidden value
The stages correspond to a gradual letting-go of resistance to unpleasant experience.
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