The meditations taught in session 6 are Labeling, Mindfulness of Emotion in the Body, and Soften-
Soothe-Allow. When we label an emotion (“This is anger.” “Fear is arising.”), we usually feel some
emotional freedom – some space opens up around the feeling and the intensity of the emotions
decreases
“Name it and you tame it.” Furthermore, emotions have physical and emotional
components – thoughts and body reactions. For example, when we’re angry, we spend a lot of
time in our minds justifying our position and planning what we will or should have said. We also
feel physical tension in the abdomen as the body prepares for a fight. It’s more difficult to manage a
difficult emotion by chasing around our thoughts than by exploring the slower, physical component.
When we
locate and anchor
our emotions in the body – find where the emotion is located in the
body – the difficult emotion starts to change. Participants of the MSC program are taught how to
label emotions (validating the feeling in a gentle, understanding voice), and also how to find the
emotion in body sensation. Then they learn the following exercise:
For download of the following meditation, please go to
nd click on “Soften Soothe Allow” for an
mp3 file of that meditation
Soften-Soothe-Allow
• Soften
into that location in your body.
Let
the muscles be soft without a requirement that they
become
soft, like simply applying heat to sore muscles. You can say, “soft…soft…soft…”
quietly to yourself, to enhance the process. Remember that you are not trying to make the
sensations go away – you are just being with them with loving awareness.
•
If you wish, let yourself just soften around the edges, like around the edges of a pancake. No
need to go all the way in.
• Soothe
yourself for struggling in this way. Put your hand over your heart and feel your body
breathe. Perhaps kind words arise in our mind, such as, “Oh my dear, this is such a painful
experience. May I grow in ease and well-being”.
•
If you wish, you can also direct kindness to the part of your body that is under stress by placing
your hand in that place. It may help to think of your body as if it were the body of a beloved
child. You can say kind words to yourself, or just repeat, “soothe…soothe…soothe”.
• Allow
the discomfort to be there. Abandon the wish for the feeling to disappear. Let the
discomfort come and go as it pleases, like a guest in your own home. You can repeat, “allow…
allow…allow”.
•
“Soften, soothe and allow.” “Soften, soothe and allow.” You can use these three words like a
mantra, reminding yourself to incline with tenderness towards your suffering.
•
If you experience too much discomfort with an emotion, stay with your breath until you feel
better.
•
Slowly open your eyes when you’re ready.
We can address feelings of shame in the same way – soften-soothe-allow. When things go
very
wrong in our lives, we’re often exposed to deep self-doubts originating in childhood that undermine
our sense of self-worth. These are negative core beliefs, or self-schemas: “I’m unlovable.” “I’m a
failure.” “I’m defective.” “I’m stupid”
We’re ashamed of these qualities and struggle to keep
others from seeing them. In other words, shame arises as a response to negative core beliefs.
Core beliefs are the foundation of many other negative emotions such as anger, fear, envy or
hatred, so that when we establish a friendlier relationship to these “shameful” personal qualities,
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