Depending on the situation and the circumstances, however, we may lack the skills to properly
address the condition. Since there are many degrees of suffering and respective causes, there are,
accordingly, various ways to alleviate them. In the context of this short essay we will refrain from
exploring remedies further since either the Buddhist source texts or, for illness, medical treatises
are more insightful.
How to Develop Compassion
In order to develop compassion we need to include all beings. Including all beings, however, does
not come spontaneously; we are predominantly concerned with ourselves and with our personal
well-being. For compassion to flourish it has to be felt for all conscious beings, not only for
ourselves. Consequently, one needs to shift from self-centered to other-centered, because, as we
have seen from the Buddhist view, a self-centered attitude is the main source of our suffering.
The first and most critical step in developing compassion is to cultivate equanimity, or impartiality.
As mentioned earlier, it is important to understand that impartiality is not indifference, because
indifference is the attitude of “I don’t care how you feel, nor what your situation is – I am busy with
my own circumstances”. Equanimity is expressed in a shift of perspective, which is based on the
insight of “Just as I want to have happiness, I know that you too want to have happiness”. By
accepting that not only our self wants happiness, but every being equally wants happiness, we
break through the veil of self-centeredness and separation. While reaching a stable degree of
impartiality may be difficult at the beginning, it can be developed gradually.
When practicing compassion, we include and work with people with whom we have different types
of relationships: friends, family members, neutral acquaintances and enemies. To include the
category of people called enemies into our practice can be challenging. Whenever we think of
people as enemies, we think of those who threaten our inner balance, our self-contained peace.
We normally think of the adversary as somebody that is out to get us. To give our loving-kindness
and compassion to somebody perceived in this way is obviously more difficult. It is therefore
advisable to start with a smaller annoyance: start, for example, with somebody that you have a
good relationship with. However, as you certainly know, even a person you care for can sometimes
really trigger you. Look at that. What is it that is annoying you? At that very moment you perceive
this person – to whom you normally feel close – as being the enemy of your inner balance. He or
she disturbs your well-being. What can you do when this happens? First you need to become
aware of the mental process, and when it is happening it is critical to realize where you are in the
unfolding of your emotions; are you at the beginning of the process, just when a little spark has set
you off? Or do you catch yourself in the middle of an angry defense? Or do you come back to
clarity only when it is all over, and you feel calm again?
Whenever you become aware of this mental shift, and of your response, apply patience.
Forbearance is the direct antidote to anger, and by applying patience, if necessary repeatedly,
clarity will gradually reemerge in your mind. Of course this is easier said than done, but without
training it will never be easy. This is the reason why, in many of the practices, we mentally exercise
different situations, so that, in the middle of an actual event, we become aware of what is
happening and recall the appropriate response. With training we can gradually cope with more
difficult situations.
During compassion and loving-kindness training, one typically proceeds through a number of
stages that differ in the focus of the exercise, and also proceed from easier to more challenging
types of meditation. As the level of difficulty progresses this can, for example, include practices that
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