For many people, the invitation to experience and trust one’s own emotions runs counter to years
of conditioning and acculturation. Both the risk and the payoff for opening the heart are captured in
the following quote from another teacher’s exit interview:
“For me this comes after a period of having really cut myself off from my feelings. I wouldn’t allow
myself to feel anything bad, which had the unsurprising effect of not allowing myself to feel
anything good either, despite a lot of good things going on in my life. I didn’t feel anything deeply
because I pushed everything away. For years I believed that vulnerability would be scary – and to a
certain extent it is – but it is also a real gift. I’m so grateful. This experience has helped me to
manage that vulnerability and to experience it as a treasure instead of being afraid and pushing it
away again and again.
Life presented me with an opportunity to practice this week. I wanted to challenge my students to
break their own emotional barriers. I was surprised by how well I was able to model what it means
to listen empathetically. I actually got tears in my eyes when students reported something that
made them cry. I was able to bring my emotions to the surface really quickly and model for them
that it’s OK to open up. This program has made me feel comfortable and relaxed with my own
emotions, and, in turn, be a better listener and a kinder person. I’m even sleeping better, and I
think it’s because I go to bed with the thought that I did something nice during the day.”
Although it is hard to imagine how compassion, forgiveness and emotional balance could be
inappropriate for teachers (or for anyone!), we have learned from experience that it isn’t right for
everyone and hope that you can benefit from our mistakes. In all but two of the many programs I
have taught, the teachers self-selected themselves into the program. This is essential, and is a big
part of insuring success. Needless to say, those who elect such a program are already inclined to
value introspection, self-awareness and virtuous qualities such as kindness and compassion. If
they are skeptical, it is shared in the service of challenging their own resistance and helps
everyone to embrace and understand the obstacles to cultivating greater balance and open-
heartedness.
I have encountered two situations in which the participants did not self-select and, in each case,
there were significant challenges. The first, and most difficult, was a weekend intensive program
where a new principal mandated participation by the whole staff in the hope of changing the school
culture. To make matters worse, he did not let the teachers know beforehand what we would
actually be doing and they were expecting something quite different. By far the nadir of my own
teaching career, I developed a new level of compassion for teachers working with bored,
disinterested and challenging students. Half of the group migrated to the front of the room and
were fully engaged and interested. The other half were in the back, whispering and laughing,
walking out, playing games and throwing toys and papers at one another. Sadly, it became more
divisive than it was unifying as it solidified the disdain with which each group held the other and
was the beginning of the end for this principal.
In the second case, we offered the program for college credit in a large city in Colorado. At the
time, these credits affected the pay level for teachers in the district so several people signed up
hoping for an easy way to achieve a salary increase. Though they admitted this in our opening
introductions, it did not make things easier when they chatted during meditation, noisily left the
room, checked their cell phones or, in one case, actually brought crayons to draw during the
meditations!
Beyond the necessity of self-selection, these programs are designed to promote personal
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