compassion. Respect for our self brings healthy self-confidence. Healthy self-confidence gives us
the courage and strength to reach out to others. Thus, honesty is the bedrock of compassion.
One method of ensuring honesty is mindfulness (see also
. Mindfulness in this context
means observing what is happening inside. It means directing a portion of our mind to keep a
watchful “eye” on our thoughts and feelings. A portion of the mind also acts as a good spy,
observing our words and behavior. When this mind, focused inward in the present moment,
recognizes a negative intention, we then have an opportunity to redirect our negative intention to a
positive intention. For example, if we notice we are about to tell a lie, or we notice we are actually
engaging in telling a lie, then we have the opportunity to stop this deceitful behavior. In this way,
we keep track of our words and thoughts to ensure they remain honest and positive. When we find
we have deviated from being honest, at least we recognize this. Equipped with the understanding
of the importance of honesty in maintaining a peaceful, happy life, when we tell a lie, we can
apologize and tell the truth. So mindfulness used in this way becomes a powerful tool to ensure
that we lead our lives in a positive, healthy way. This helps us avoid a negative and unhealthy
lifestyle. It gives us the opportunity to reset our course when we have drifted into negative ways of
life. There is a definite feeling of well-being when mindfulness is active. One feels more present
with a vast perspective. Even when the mindfulness discovers some ill intention, there is calmness.
I recognize I have once again steered onto a wrong path. There is no feeling of guilt. Rather, a
sense of steering the boat back onto the course of honesty. There may be some regret, but this is
not the same as guilt. I understand if I was dishonest, I have recognized it and will sincerely try not
to repeat it, especially when faced with a similar situation in the future.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness gives us the freedom to let go of hurt. It liberates grudges against others that have
been buried, sometimes for a lifetime. Even though the hurt is suppressed, it still keeps a dark
cloud over our mood. Forgiveness is the solvent that dissolves the glue that holds our self-
righteousness tightly. It softens the feeling of, “I am right and you are wrong. You hurt me.” When I
am able to forgive, I recognize the humanity in others. None of us are perfect. We all make
mistakes. We are all deluded. We are all looking for happiness but we don’t know where to find it.
Thus, we harbor many wrong, harmful intentions, thinking that they are in our best interest. The
harm that has been done to us is of two kinds. It may have been intentional or unintentional. If the
hurt was unintentional, it is easier to forgive. But if the hurt was intentional, this is more
challenging. Yet the fact that the harm was done intentionally means the other person was not
happy. The other person was out of balance, not in harmony. Otherwise that person would not
have harmed me. He or she was in the middle of some kind of conflict themselves. Happy and
balanced people do not go around hurting others. Recognizing the pain in the one who harms
begins to open our heart to forgiveness. We start to recognize that the one who harmed was out of
control and may well have been hurt by someone else. Thus, his or her harm was in reaction to
something painful they received. It was almost like a knee-jerk reaction, without much thought.
Conflict begets conflict. In the future, the negative consequences that will come to the one who
harmed, simply as a result of the action of bringing harm to another, are quite severe. Just thinking
along these lines moistens our heart. It gives us more space, more breathing room. We feel less
closed in and less angry. Our sense of retribution lessens. We become more relaxed and calm.
Our fear diminishes. Thus, our heart automatically opens. More love and compassion begin to
flow. Of course, this is a process and takes time. Repeated practice is needed to break our old
habits and open our heart more and more.
A wonderful example of the power of forgiveness is told by His Holiness the Dalai Lama[1]. It is a
true story about someone he calls his personal hero. This story brings tears to our eyes. Richard
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