and no longer act them out. And of course the entrepreneur uses his capacity for sadistic fantasies
to write books and make a lot of money!
Self-compassion can get blocked when people hate themselves. This is because at first they are
contemptuous of it and see it as weak, thinking “why would one be compassionate to what one
hates and wants to get rid of?” They hate themselves because they didn’t stop the abuse; because
they can’t stop their drug addiction; because they are too fat and can’t stop eating; because their
mind is full of awful sexual or aggressive fantasies or actions. But it is at these points that
compassion is absolutely the essential process. And again, if we contextualize our brains, in an
evolutionary context that we didn’t choose, and as a social creation that we didn’t choose,
compassion becomes easier. We can stand back and recognize that we need compassion for all
these horrors and fears of the mind – they are a universal human issue. Given that compassion is
linked to the desire to prevent and alleviate suffering, then understanding these aspects of our
minds, and how to work with them rather than suppress them, becomes essential. Although
destructive emotions are sometimes seen as poisons this is a bad analogy. A poison is something
that is alien to the body and needs to be expelled and we talk of cleansing. Destructive emotions
are definitely not alien to the body and cannot be expelled or cleansed in that way. Rather they
require compassion and wisdom to understand their source and how they work in us because they
are one potential within us that we can know but choose not to bring into the world.
Fear of Compassion for Others and Humanity
Compassion for others is complex and can relate to the desire to rescue others (as in the rescue
services), courage, to moral values and the way we think about and work for fairness and justice.
Learning to direct compassion (which means sensitivity to suffering and trying to do something
about it) to others whom we love is relatively easy. It is much tougher when it comes to people we
don’t know – those suffering in another country, maybe – and of course those we do not like or
who have hurt us. This is partly because our evolved minds are far more keen on helping those
close to us rather than distant, on vengeance and retaliation rather than forgiveness. Some people
are cynical about the value of compassion and believe it makes those who offer it seem weak or
allows them to be taken advantage of
Some argue that humans are basically a nasty species.
“Look at human history,” they say, “our fascination with violence and torture, the Holocaust and
ethnic cleansing, greed, and all the children being beaten and abused right now.”
Now, for sure, humans have the potential to be demons or angels, but this is the whole point of
compassion training. We are at the point in our history where we are waking up to that
responsibility – but it’s a very painful awakening because we have to see just how cruel and
dangerous we can be as a species and how fraught with suffering and tragedy life is. Compassion
never grows out of delusions of what we are up against, the savagery we are capable of, but it is
precisely because we do see these potentials in us and know they are so easy to provoke and
cultivate that mindful compassion training is essential
Summary
Compassion training can benefit from engaging with the fears of compassion. The fears of
compassion relate to 3 domains:
1. Fears of being open to compassion from others due to the fear of closeness, its unreliability,
shame, or being overwhelmed by grief for the ending of loneliness.
2. Fears of being compassionate to oneself because of the sense of not deserving, belief that
criticism will help one succeed, and feelings of self-hatred and shame for one’s internal
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